Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
