I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
