You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
