Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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