i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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