I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
