I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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