I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
