he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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