Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
