we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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