My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Life is so much better after having sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
