Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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