I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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