Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
