Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
