Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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