This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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