i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
