i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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