In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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