he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
