Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have fence marks all over my body
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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