I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We got so high we made milksteak
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
