If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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