Jerry, you need to find god
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
