booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
