Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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