Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
