The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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