i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
