Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
