Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
