I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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