omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
