forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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