Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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