in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
