He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
