dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
