I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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