I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Couch. On fire.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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