and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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