I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
