I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
