You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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