He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
