I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
