I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
