i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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