Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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