you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
