And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
