He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
