the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
