i think my tv is drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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