We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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