i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
