the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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