This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
