It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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