I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
