the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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