I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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