well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
