Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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