You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
