What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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