So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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