Soap is not a condiment
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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