I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
