I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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