You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
