I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
