Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
