the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
