In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize