saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
