I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
