If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
