just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
