I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
even my farts smell like vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
