Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
